Developing children's 'reponse-ability'
When high school football coach Lou Sorrentino started throwing the word "response-ability" at his players, his objective was to teach them how to bounce back after making on-field mistakes. However, when one of Sorrentino’s players was killed in an accidental shooting, the word came to have an even deeper significance. "…we talked about the ability to respond, and we talked about appropriate ways to honour James, to stay in touch with his family, not to look for vengeance, and to rely on the team," Sorrentino said at the time. "We’re not talking about a football game or a test, we’re talking about a very serious situation."‘Response-ability.’ The word comes from the idea of helping people to develop the ability to respond to grave situations they will surely encounter in their lives. The goal is to prepare people to be able to produce a deliberate response to a situation, as opposed to a mere reaction.
In the contemporary world, we are bombarded with multiplying messages from various sources. TV commercials, advertisements, hoardings, mobile phones, e-mail etc have led to a situation where our brains are getting so many inputs simultaneously that we don’t spend enough time thinking about what we need do. Instead, we react to the various stimuli we get. Staying connected and responding to SMS and e-mail messages quickly has become an end in itself. People don’t stop to consider whether these transactions are worth the effort — or whether they are keeping us from more important (but probably less urgent) tasks. To get a grip on our lives, we increasingly need to develop the ability to control our responses.
Sports provides a great training ground for developing this ability. Most sports require athletes to think fast and quickly choose a particular course of action. For instance, while playing soccer, you need to quickly decide whether to pass the ball ahead/ behind/ sideways or dribble past a few defenders and take a shot at the goal. And with fitness levels and the pace of all games rising every year, the time available for a player to make decisions is shrinking. Because athletes are often thrown into pressure situations that don’t allow much time for thought before taking action, developing ‘response-ability’ is critical to their growth both as players and as individuals.
Consider your own children. How would you rate their sense of ‘response-ability’, both on and off the playing field? Are they able to quickly assess the consequences of their actions before taking them? Are they able to quickly anticipate other players’ game plans? Are they able to weigh and avoid situations that might bring harm to themselves or others? Are they able to stand up for what they know to be right?
If your kids are lacking in ‘response-ability’, there are several things you can do to help:
Talk about it.
Explain what is ‘response-ability’, and its importance. Look for examples of ‘response-ability’ (or lack of it) in the sports pages, and share these with your children. The recent Zidane head-butting incident is a great example to teach your children how not to react impulsively to a situation, whatever the provocation. By walking your child through the episode and its repercussions, you can make the point about how one irresponsible reaction cost the player, the team and the country one of the biggest prizes in world sport!Teach them about it.
Role play different situations your kids might get into, to help them determine ahead of time how they should react to different provocations. For example, how would they respond if a fast bowler felled them, either on purpose or accidentally? What would they do if someone tripped them deliberately while playing football? What would they do if they were out with their teammates and one of them said, "Hey, my dad’s got a six-pack in the fridge at home — let’s go get it!"Model it.
An automatic ‘no’ to a child’s demand is likely to become an issue. Instead your response should be, "Hmm. Let me think about how I want to respond to that." You may still end up saying "no," but at least she’ll acknowledge that you gave the question due consideration. Discuss the positive and negative consequences of a suggestion she might make. You might find that your kids are more responsible than you think!Compliment them
when you see them showing ‘response-ability’. Be specific when you point out good behaviour. ("George, I noticed this time you didn’t throw your bat after you got bowled. I’m proud of you for choosing a mature response. I could tell your coach was impressed, too.")Believe in them.
Belief is often a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe that your child can demonstrate ‘response-ability,’ she will be encouraged to rise to your level of expectation.Remember that when children learn ‘response-ability,’ they are learning how to live from the ‘inside-out’. In short, they are learning how to consciously anticipate and shape situational outcomes, instead of letting circumstances shape them. What more powerful skill could you teach them?
(Dr. George Selleck is a California-based sports psychologist and advisor to Sportz Village, Bangalore)