Sports Education

Building of self-confidence

Self-confidence is one of the most important attributes a person can have — on or off the playing field. Not only does it make an athlete a superior performer, it makes him or her a better sportsperson. Athletes who lack self-confidence find themselves depending too much on the opinions or approval of others to feel good about themselves. Instead of setting standards of sportsmanship, they follow the nostrums of those whose approval is most important to them.

As a teacher or parent, you can help children develop self-confidence by teaching them to avoid the following:

Thinking you need to be perfect. Children who think they need to be perfect athletes tend to over-react when their performance falls short, resulting in displays of poor sportsmanship. I remember working with a young high school pitcher who was a perfectionist. Whenever he had a bad game or a bad inning, he would pout, sulk and sit around making negative comments to his teammates. Because this young man’s goals were irrational and unrealistic, he experienced great discomfort and stress every time he played. At one point he was ready to give up baseball.

To help this young man, I persuaded him to accept that success is a roller coaster, with frequent ups and downs. I also helped him realise that mistakes can be teachers and are a natural corollary of growth and development. With assis-tance from this young player’s coach and parents, who reassured him of their love and support regardless of performance, he began to accept setbacks as intrinsic to the game and motivation for improvement. He later won a college scholarship and signed a professional baseball contract.

Dwelling on the past. Brooding about things that happened in the past prevents a person from enjoying the present — and if you’re not enjoying your chosen sport, you’re likely to exhibit poor sportsmanship. If a child continually dwells on past mistakes, I encourage her to watch a professional sports event — such as a golf match — on television. I bring to her notice how even the best players make bad plays, and how they frequently follow up those bad plays with good ones. I ask them to reflect on what these players do to put a bad play behind them, and how they could incorporate this remedial action into their own lives.

Focusing on the negative. Sometimes children focus on the negative because they’re perfectionists. But some children do it for protective reasons. For example, if every time a child talks to his parent about the good game he had and the parent’s first response is to say something like, "Yes, but you really need to work more on your swing; I think you could have hit the ball a lot harder", then pretty soon that child is going to head things off at the pass by focusing on the negative before the parent can do it. That’s because if they can say it first, they don’t have to experience the hurt of hearing their parent say it.

To help break the habit of focusing on the negative, adults have to first make sure they aren’t part of the problem. Then explain to the child about the inner voice that we have to talk to ourselves and help them learn to retrain the inner voice to say positive things. I used to make a point of writing positive statements on a stack of note cards and carry those around with me. During spare moments, I would read through those statements and they would help me keep positive thoughts in my head.

Not enjoying the game. Sometimes parents and coaches get very competitive and focused on the end result. They ask questions like "So, did you win today?", "Did you beat your previous score?", "Isn’t it time you moved to the next level?" Children tend to interpret such questions as an indication of what is important to their parents or coach. Adults have to help children enjoy sports. Kids play because they want to have fun. Adults play to win. Asking the right questions at the right time can go a long way in building a child’s self-esteem and confidence. A child who has enjoyed a game is bubbling with self-confidence. Don’t burst the bubble by asking who won.

Not celebrating small victories. Winning and losing are an integral part of any sport or game. Sometimes children get so focused on the larger goal ("we must win the school championship!") that they forget to enjoy the small victories — private or public. It could be that great curling free kick that the child finally got right after days of practice. Or it could be a first round game she won in a tournament.

To help children celebrate small victories, coaches and adults have to create an environment which is comfortable and fun. Help children identify the small steps they are taking towards their goal, and celebrate each success.

As children strive to set an example of good sportsmanship, inevitably there will be moments when people will ridicule, discourage, intimidate or exclude them. That’s why it’s crucial to help children develop a solid foundation of self-confidence. This will equip them to be true to their convictions even in times of trial and adversity.